COURSE OF THE DAY

I fall asleep dreaming about you

and when I wake up in the morning

I realize it's just a fantasy.

Not having to picture us anymore

makes me jump out of bed

so I don't have another chance to close my eyes,

not even for a second.

The pain I feel in my morning workout

makes me either feel alive

or has me crying on the floor.

I love my reflection in the mirror,

but I know my body

won't make you change your mind.

In the course of the day

I fixate on my job

and convince myself to be ambitious

so that I have at least a career to hold on to

when everything else is broken.

Work is a good distraction,

better than a conversation with a friend

because then my mind can drift off way too easily.

Afternoon laziness got me looking at your social

so I'm taking the dogs for a walk

or run some errands,

"just stay productive, just stay busy".

I try to refrain from drinking in the evening

because the alcohol is making me weak

though I love the velvet down my throat,

like a soft wrap around my soul.

It's like a comforting balm

that's slowly rubbing off my shell.
I tell myself not to have too many drinks

because the liquor tears down my walls,

gets closer to my heart,

which is a wounded wound

and it hurts so much, so much,

when it's forced open.